A Changed Life

I very recently saw the movie "Rent" on cable television and I found myself transfixed by the spectacle, or lack thereof, before me. The experience was similar to anticipating a train wreck. You just know that the outcome would be so horrific that you morbidly, couldn't turn away.

A brief description and editorial, straight from your friendly neighborhood "wikipedia" for those not familiar with the story:

"Based on Puccini's opera La bohème, Rent, the musical centers on a group of impoverished young artists and musicians struggling to survive and create in New York's Alphabet City in the early 1990s, under the shadow of AIDS. Rent was one of the first Broadway musicals to clearly feature gay, bisexual, lesbian, and transgender characters. It is also noted for its ethnically diverse cast, which includes many racial minorities in its ensemble and leading roles. Rent is considered revolutionary for bringing controversial topics and counterculture to a traditionally conservative medium, and is credited with increasing the popularity of musical theater in the younger generation."

See why I liken it to a train wreck.

What I'm saying is as I watched the film adaptation, I was forced to reminisce upon my younger, more rebellious, and more (and I use the word loosely) tolerant days when idealism equalled compromised morals and love, even aberrant love, was romantic and became a cause for celebration. It took a few minutes before I realized what I was doing. As I was watching the film version I started comparing my reactions then and my reactions now to the same scenes I was seeing and the same lyrics I was hearing.

My, how 10 years worth of life experiences and a maturing faith in God can change a person.

I first saw Rent in its original form as a stage musical. It was 1996 and I remember shelling out a lot of money for two tickets at the Schubert Theater in Los Angeles to see Dr. Doogie Howser sing and trot on stage. After the whole proceedings I was one of the first ones in the audience to stand on my feet and applaud like mad at the genius I had just witnessed. I left the Schubert that night cloaked in the anthem that was "No Day Like Today". Not quite Carpe Diem but close. I was young, invincible, idealistic, romantic, and above the system.

My heart bled for every starving, angst-ridden artist who wanted nothing more than to express themselves and their ideas in their medium of choice. As if at the tender, dope-fueled, sex-driven, age of 20, they've mastered and experienced all there is that life has to offer. I celebrated freedom of choice, the genius of hot-wiring an ATM machine to steal undeserved cash, and indiscriminate sex. I blamed the powers that be for the existence of AIDS. I marched in rallies, volunteered for the DNC, reveled at gay pride events, chanted the popular trendy political rhetoric of the day and plugged-in to CNN for today's current events.

Then the unthinkable happened. I was suddenly faced with the possibility of, maybe, just maybe, having contracted THE virus. Not through any fault of my own, for despite the rhetoric and the lifestyle, I chose to remain monogamous. My "monogamous" partner, on the other hand, didn't make the same decision or commitment I did. Thus the dilemma. But, as always, God, who has always been my protector even from myself, didn't let me down. I am alive and virus free today only by God's grace and God's providence.

And because of that same grace and God's love, especially through one incredible person in particular, my eyes were opened to what was being truly portrayed by the musical I once revered.

As I watched my "train wreck" a few nights ago, I saw things differently. My stance turned from "freedom of choice" to "it's okay for you to do it but I know I can't" to "choose life". I looked at the AIDS epidemic as a direct result of man's fallen, sinful nature. In the way God envisioned and designed this world, no one, and I mean no one, should be suffering from AIDS. It is through man's fall that AIDS and death came into this world and Christ breached the gap when He died and rose from the dead.

I started voting Republican. I looked at the gay lifestyle and I believe it's wrong. And most importantly, every aspect of my life, my politics, my beliefs, and my actions, are governed and dictated by my faith and not by some popular, trendy rhetoric dictated by the "sound bite of the day" as overplayed by today's mainstream media.

My heart still bleeds, but it bleeds for the all the pain and injustice, true injustice, that this fallen world has brought upon itself. I sympathize with those who suffer, I empathize with those who are committed to making a difference and I antagonize those who are evil and unjust in their ways, because this is what God has commanded us to do with humility and complete obedience to His will.

And as trite and trivial as it sounds, it really is God that has affected this change and in this case He used an inconsequential, irreverent collection of scenes and music to bring about the realization of a changed life.