Three weeks ago, I was given a precious gift from God. I was asked to “mentor” a sister-in-Christ's teenager. And though I have a less-than-enthusiastic reaction to the word “mentor”, I am overjoyed at the opportunity I am given to become this teenager’s friend and discipler.
I have to admit, my initial thoughts were “cool, someone I can spoil.” But that’s not the case because this young, vibrant, beautiful person understands life better than anyone else her age. Despite her protestations, underneath the teen veneer is a loving and generous spirit, touched with melancholy and pain. And though her eyes sparkle with laughter at the goofiness we share, there’s a profound side there too that allows for conversations with meaning and well – profoundness.
It’s those times that I’m struck with the magnitude of my responsibility and it never fails to humble me. I am now officially a “role model” (gulp) to an impressionable young person and that’s not something to be taken lightly. In a very big and real way, my young protégé will make me accountable for everything that I do and say. All of a sudden, I find myself venturing into unfamiliar territory where normally only parents tread. And though I am not her mother, and will, by the way, never override her mother’s authority over her, I am in a position of influence and everything that I say and do from this point onwards will impact her life.
For whatever God has planned for the both of us, I can only pray that every time this young person is in my “sphere of influence” I conduct myself with a God-given wisdom and grace all the time, lest I lead her astray. I also pray that even as we’re not “hanging out”, I remain above reproach in my behavior so as not to give the appearance of living a double life. And in the times that I fall, loose my way, or suffer a return to my B.C. (before Christ) days, I pray that God will grant her the wisdom to understand that what I have said or done is not an excuse for her to do the same but should be perceived more as a lesson not be repeated or re-enacted in her life.
Regardless, I hope neither of us outgrow nor outlast this relationship. And eventually, as time and distance cuts into the time we spend together, I will always treasure this gift from our Almighty Father.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
How Am I Doing, Really!
Last Sunday, I had a chance to speak with one of our church elders who I don’t get to speak with often. We talked a bit about his son and then he asked me how I was really doing. The question was simple enough, something that I hear everyday, and yet, the tone of his voice and the sincerity in his demeanor made me stop and think and reflect on the goings on in my life. That night, I shed a few tears because my life is in complete chaos, I am scared, my faith was in shambles and God in His great wisdom, just that morning, began the conviction and restoration that would initiate the healing process for my hardening heart.
Let’s start with “my life is in complete chaos”. It seems like our entire household is in some state of disrepair or disarray. We have a kitchen that’s in the process of being remodeled, a backyard that needs to be re-landscaped, a patio/garden/living quarters that need to be built and there’s not enough time and/or money to do all we need to do to accommodate the changes that are happening in our lives. Also, my parents moved in this past weekend. Permanently! And though I love them dearly, it is a difficult adjustment that we are all making. There will always be that fine line that we all have to walk to make this living arrangement work.
Plus my husband just started a new job, we need time to ourselves, we need to finish the house, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. And life goes on.
As for being scared, twelve years ago I walked away from my folks and their stuff. My parents’ sense of validation, like of many of their generation who grew up as children of war is to collect and hoard stuff. And I am bringing my parents and the majority of their stuff into our home. In any other circumstance, I would be perfectly fine with the idea but our home is the haven by which my husband finds peace and solace from his stressful work environment. I’m scared because I think my imposing all of this chaos on a man who values the peace and tranquility of his home will cause a rift in our marriage.
Then there’s the “my faith is in shambles”. In the last few months, I’ve been alternating between frustration, apathy and anger at the Christian population for what is happening, not just in the United States and the world but in my home church as well. I’ve railed and ranted and in retrospect all I was being was a noisy gong AND clanging cymbal, for although I was standing up for God and His truth, I was doing it without love. At one point, I was so lost that I sat my husband down and told him I was ready to and attend another congregation’s service but because I know he is needed here, he’s welcome to stay. His reply, wherever you go, so would I. Needless to say, I stayed too.
I attended an eight week course on how to save the lost. And like all good principles, I relegated what I learned to the recesses of my mind because I was too afraid to apply it to the real world. Instead, I took all the excuses I heard on why people don't approach other people about God and used them as my cushion against a sinful world.
The one shining beacon in my dark world was my small group. I have a group of great, wonderful, caring people who, on a regular basis allow themselves to be used by God, to minister to me and others like me. Our group leader is gifted in the knowledge of God’s word, not because he’s got an IQ like a phone number but because he’s obedient to God’s will and he is practicing his gift as God intended.
And in my darker moments, all I have to do is look over at one of my sisters in Christ and the recognition of her faith through all the adversity she is suffering is enough of an impetus for me to keep me going in my struggles. The manner in which she lives her life puts my whining to shame and in the days that I just want to give up and walk away from my faith, God uses her and gives me a reason to come back for repentance and restoration. Another sister in Christ is a source of mercy. Our talks have given me hope and a measure of peace and I feel comfortable in my own skin when I am in her company. A brother's faithfulness in the word and his cheerfulness also gives me hope and a glimmer of joy.
Then there’s a young couple in our group whose zeal and love for God is unequaled. Their passion for serving Him and His people is admirable. And our hostess is a joy to behold. Ever welcoming, ever joyful, even through all her trials. Every other week she lets us have the run of her house in service to the Lord. And during these times, I get pulled back from the brink because of our leader’s discipleship and everyone’s love and fellowship.
And finally, the conviction, restoration and healing: On Sunday morning, my Pastor gave a sermon that touched the deepest, darkest corners of my hardening heart and shined God’s light in them. I felt God's conviction and my heart wept in sorrow at how I neglected to nurture my spirit. I realized that I was on the verge of spiritual bankruptcy and I was just going through the motions. I allowed my sworn enemy a foothold in my life and I was surrendering to the world. I forgot about the everything Christian living was supposed to be about - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. With Sunday's sermon, God cleansed the deepest, dingiest corners of my heart and with that one question my elder asked, He opened that same heart and shine His light through.
As I write this, I realize that this week commemorates the events leading up to the death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ and it strikes me that once again, as long as there is sincere repentance, restoration in the grace of our Lord is but a prayer's breath away. My Lord, and my Savior, a lot of the time I loose my way and I thank you for not giving up on my wretched soul. Thank you for the blood you poured and the life you laid down in exchange for mine. All glory, honor, worship and praise to you my Lord, my God, my Saviour, now and forever.
Let’s start with “my life is in complete chaos”. It seems like our entire household is in some state of disrepair or disarray. We have a kitchen that’s in the process of being remodeled, a backyard that needs to be re-landscaped, a patio/garden/living quarters that need to be built and there’s not enough time and/or money to do all we need to do to accommodate the changes that are happening in our lives. Also, my parents moved in this past weekend. Permanently! And though I love them dearly, it is a difficult adjustment that we are all making. There will always be that fine line that we all have to walk to make this living arrangement work.
Plus my husband just started a new job, we need time to ourselves, we need to finish the house, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. And life goes on.
As for being scared, twelve years ago I walked away from my folks and their stuff. My parents’ sense of validation, like of many of their generation who grew up as children of war is to collect and hoard stuff. And I am bringing my parents and the majority of their stuff into our home. In any other circumstance, I would be perfectly fine with the idea but our home is the haven by which my husband finds peace and solace from his stressful work environment. I’m scared because I think my imposing all of this chaos on a man who values the peace and tranquility of his home will cause a rift in our marriage.
Then there’s the “my faith is in shambles”. In the last few months, I’ve been alternating between frustration, apathy and anger at the Christian population for what is happening, not just in the United States and the world but in my home church as well. I’ve railed and ranted and in retrospect all I was being was a noisy gong AND clanging cymbal, for although I was standing up for God and His truth, I was doing it without love. At one point, I was so lost that I sat my husband down and told him I was ready to and attend another congregation’s service but because I know he is needed here, he’s welcome to stay. His reply, wherever you go, so would I. Needless to say, I stayed too.
I attended an eight week course on how to save the lost. And like all good principles, I relegated what I learned to the recesses of my mind because I was too afraid to apply it to the real world. Instead, I took all the excuses I heard on why people don't approach other people about God and used them as my cushion against a sinful world.
The one shining beacon in my dark world was my small group. I have a group of great, wonderful, caring people who, on a regular basis allow themselves to be used by God, to minister to me and others like me. Our group leader is gifted in the knowledge of God’s word, not because he’s got an IQ like a phone number but because he’s obedient to God’s will and he is practicing his gift as God intended.
And in my darker moments, all I have to do is look over at one of my sisters in Christ and the recognition of her faith through all the adversity she is suffering is enough of an impetus for me to keep me going in my struggles. The manner in which she lives her life puts my whining to shame and in the days that I just want to give up and walk away from my faith, God uses her and gives me a reason to come back for repentance and restoration. Another sister in Christ is a source of mercy. Our talks have given me hope and a measure of peace and I feel comfortable in my own skin when I am in her company. A brother's faithfulness in the word and his cheerfulness also gives me hope and a glimmer of joy.
Then there’s a young couple in our group whose zeal and love for God is unequaled. Their passion for serving Him and His people is admirable. And our hostess is a joy to behold. Ever welcoming, ever joyful, even through all her trials. Every other week she lets us have the run of her house in service to the Lord. And during these times, I get pulled back from the brink because of our leader’s discipleship and everyone’s love and fellowship.
And finally, the conviction, restoration and healing: On Sunday morning, my Pastor gave a sermon that touched the deepest, darkest corners of my hardening heart and shined God’s light in them. I felt God's conviction and my heart wept in sorrow at how I neglected to nurture my spirit. I realized that I was on the verge of spiritual bankruptcy and I was just going through the motions. I allowed my sworn enemy a foothold in my life and I was surrendering to the world. I forgot about the everything Christian living was supposed to be about - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. With Sunday's sermon, God cleansed the deepest, dingiest corners of my heart and with that one question my elder asked, He opened that same heart and shine His light through.
As I write this, I realize that this week commemorates the events leading up to the death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ and it strikes me that once again, as long as there is sincere repentance, restoration in the grace of our Lord is but a prayer's breath away. My Lord, and my Savior, a lot of the time I loose my way and I thank you for not giving up on my wretched soul. Thank you for the blood you poured and the life you laid down in exchange for mine. All glory, honor, worship and praise to you my Lord, my God, my Saviour, now and forever.
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