My Beloved Maia

January 31, 2010

I lost my baby girl two days ago. We had to put her to sleep because the vet thinks there's a tumor that's pushing out her stomach and affecting her spine. The night before, she all but lost the use of her hind legs and getting her to relieve herself on our front lawn was a herculean task for both her and my husband.

Seven months before, we brought two strays into our home that she never really got along with and I can't stop thinking that maybe this is why she gave up. All she wanted was to be appreciated and to make us happy, but since Jack and Nala came, we've been spending less time with her and lavishing less attention to her. And still to the very end, all she wanted to do was make us happy.

I lost my baby girl two days ago and I can't help thinking, it was I who killed her. Not some disease that they think was in her. Not arthritis because of her age but because of neglect and lack of attention. And still to the very end, all she wanted to do was make me happy.

The last hour was the hardest. After some prodding and poking and some serious discussion, my husband and I made the hardest decision we've had to make yet in our life together. She looked up, as if knowing the outcome, smiled her perfect smile, and sighed. I like to think of the gesture as a thank you. Thank you for ending my suffering Mom and Dad. Thank you for ending my pain. And I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy with me anymore.

I lost my beloved Maia-girl two days ago and I just wanted to let her know that there was never a time she didn't make me happy. In the 10 years we were together, she was always a source of amusement, pleasure and joy. Even as she ate my shoe or stole food from the table, there never was once a time that she didn't make me happy.

I miss you so much my baby girl. I miss your beautiful smile, and the way your entire butt shakes when you greet me as I come home from a hard day. I miss the sound your tail makes as you thump it against the floor when you're happy. I miss the way you demand for a belly rub and the way you stuck to me like velcro. I miss the way you're in my way I when I wake up in the morning or I miss how you kick my slippers under the bed. But most of all I miss your presence, your essence and your spirit.

You taught me many things my beloved little girl. First and foremost, you taught me the true meaning of selflessness. Even at your very worst, you just wanted to give and give and give. You taught me about adoration and worship. You showed me exactly how I should adore and worship our Almighty God – unconditional, irrevocable and pure. And you showed me what it was like to love and to trust. Without fear, without malice and without judgment.

I love you so much my baby girl and I can only hope and pray that you forgive me my neglect and that one day, when my time has come, God will see it fit to have you sit by the foot of His throne and together, welcome me to His Kingdom.